When I graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Information Technology more than two decades ago, my father wanted me to help with the family business. His plan was for me to come in, be a Manager, maybe even a General Manager, in the company. I declined, and Mom said this was pure ego on my part. Dad said nothing. I think (I hope) he understood.
So, why? Why take that risk?
I like to think ego had very little to do with it. The considerations were mostly of a practical nature. Let's start with the pettier reasons.Dad's business was in second-hand cars. This may not be the expected reaction of a young hot-blooded heterosexual male, but there were few things I could be less interested in. I just didn't see myself with my spanking new Bachelor's Degree in Information Technology dealing in used cars. Honestly, if I was going to use that Degree on what looked like totally unrelated stuff, there were tons of things that were a lot more fun.
The next reason was distance, or lack thereof. Not that Dad was an unbearable guy to be around, but at the same time he wasn't such a delight that I wanted to see him in the office and at home. Boundaries are a thing.
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| Finding my path. |
The more substantial reason was about me wanting, in Frank Sinatra's famous words, to do it my way. Get my own career. Start wherever I started, go wherever that took me, all without trading on the family name. I could wind up having a shit career (and for a long time, I did) but at least that shit career would be -my- career, not one that was handed to me. Again, Mom said it was about ego. Grandma said it was about having backbone. I liked her take better.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, time is finite for all mortals. My father would not be around forever, and if I allowed myself to grow dependent on his presence, I would be doing everyone a huge disservice.
Regrets?
There were times I had to remind myself that I wasn't the only one who was encountering difficulty; everyone had their own struggles. Plenty of people had it worse than me. All I ever wanted to do was code for a living. I absolutely refused to believe that such a simple goal was beyond me.It's not been a bed of roses. There were times it got so rough I wondered to myself why I didn't simply take the easy path offered. Every asshole employer I worked for, every meager paycheck I tried to stretch, every time I had to work with people I didn't like. Every night spent on a build that just wouldn't compile. Every time I made an elementary mistake that led to a system crash.
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| Tumultuous seas. |
But for every job I lost, I found a higher paying one. For every colleague I hated, there were three others I made friends with. For every difficult customer I had to deal with, I refined my skills at dealing with them. For every obstacle encountered, I obtained good lessons that often were able to be applied elsewhere. Every ticking off I got made my skin thicker. Even unpleasant employers were an experience. Not experiences I necessarily want to repeat, but valuable nonetheless. I discovered a resilience; indeed, even an antifragility, I had never suspected myself of being able to muster.
Recently, I was in a Microsoft Teams meeting, and with a start, I realized that I recognized the name of the vendor in the meeting, and the voice. The vendor speaking was an ex-boss from 2011. My ex-boss was now one of my current company's vendors. Twelve years ago, I was working for him, and drawing less than half my current pay. Talk about mind-boggling. That's how far this unexceptional software developer has traveled.
Conclusion
Now when I look back and think about how hard I had to work for less money, I marvel at how long I've lasted. And I congratulate myself, because no one else will. And no one else should have to.My career, mediocre as it may be, is mine. And it was no mistake.
Doing it my way like an absolute boss,
T___T
T___T
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