Five Things Not to Say to a Web Developer

In the course of searching for a web developer, a company is definitely going to go through a few resumes and it's almost a certainty that interviews will be conducted. However, depending on the size of the company, there will be different kinds of interviews being conducted. Those dealing with the technical aspect, and those dealing with the human resource aspect. And assuming both interviewers stick to their scope, all's well and good.

The problem tends to begin when a non-technical person (usually HR personnel) is sent to conduct the only interview for a web developer. Miscommunication can arise, not because HR is unprofessional per se, but because HR is rarely equipped to understand the technical aspects of a web developer's repertoire.

Consider this conversation.

HR: May I know more about your work experience in your last company?

WD: Well, my first project was a CRM. It was on a PHP MVC platform and I was working under the Team Lead, and put in charge of testing the Reporting functions. After a year, I was put solely in charge of a medum-sized e-commerce portal with a ERDBMS back-end...

HR: Wait, what's a CRM?

The one nice thing about putting oneself through the hassle of an interview, getting dressed up and all, is that you get to brag about stuff you've done. But bragging to someone who can't tell a XML tag from an dog tag makes the entire exercise pointless.

Still, this seems to be inevitable and bearing that in mind, here are some things to avoid saying to a web developer interviewee. These things are almost guaranteed to produce an uncomfortable moment as the interviewee struggles with a mental eye-roll, or actually produces a look which plainly says Why am I talking to you, exactly?

Looking to the future.

1. Where do you see yourself in 5 years' time? Do NOT ask this question.

This has got to be the most overused interview question on the island. Unless you're hiring a web developer with intent to promote him AND you actually have some kind of company hierarchy that allows for this (three levels of reporting doesn't count), don't. Just... don't.

HTML is a programming
language? Really?

2. Get your terminology right.

It's fun to throw technical terms around like you mean it. But unless you have a pretty good idea what they
actually are, try to avoid doing so. Don't, for example, refer to HTML as a "programming language". Or MVC. Or AJAX, for that matter. If such distinctions are lost on you, you may want to consider letting someone else handle this part of the interview.

For more on this subject, see http://inventwithpython.com/blog/2013/12/15/why-is-html-not-a-programming-language/

Yes, I can fucking bold text.

3. Don't ask if he can bold text, or anything stupid like that.

I actually had an interviewer ask me this once before. Can you bold text? Italics? How about changing the colour? He must have caught the dude-are-you-fucking-with-me look on my face because he swiftly moved on.

Web development isn't the most glamourous job in the world. The pay can be shitty, the hours worse. And sometimes we're forced to produce work we're not proud of, work we would never acknowledge unless a loaded gun was pointed to our heads, just to pay the bills.

That said, web developers do have a certain amount of pride. Web development is a craft, and should be treated with a modicum of respect. Don't ask a web developer if he knows how to do these very simple, very banal tasks. That's insulting. Unless you just want a glorified HTML coder to write your EDMs. Schoolkids nowadays know HTML. Schoolkids can bold text, dammit.

THIS is web dev.

4. How many hours a workday would you say you spend programming? Do NOT ask this either.

I remember the first time I was asked this question. My first reaction was, is this some kind of abstractly worded test question I had to answer with tact and wisdom? I swiftly came to the conclusion that the truth was horrifyingly simple - I was being interviewed by an old-fashioned factory-style pencil-pusher.

Web development is more than just programming. There's UI, database, requirements gathering, the works. Hell, programming is more than just programming. I would hope the average programmer spends far more time testing than actually coding!

In other words, anyone who can ask this question with a straight face obviously has nary a clue regarding the process. You do not want to come off as that person.

Developers come in all shapes,
sizes and skin colours.

5. Don't ever suggest that he stands a better chance due to his nationality.

If you need someone who can speak a English fluently, sure, you would be justified in wanting a local. And even that is no guarantee that his communication skills are effective enough. Or perhaps you require this prospective hire to travel. Fair enough. But if you just want a local in order to boost your headcount quota, be smart enough not to mention it to his face.

You're hiring him and his skill-set, not his passport. You're hiring him because he represents the best value for your money. Anything less than that is a put-down.

And if you still manage to hire this person despite that horrific gaffe, do bear in mind that few things are more detrimental to your operation than a professional with zero pride. Unless he's entry-level. In which case, go to town on him because he's got to earn his dignity.

Before I sign off, any questions? Yes, I can bold text, smartass.
T___T