Five Dubiously Effective Job-change Interview Tips

Interviewing is part and parcel of every professional's career journey. Some do it once a year. Some do it every six months. Some do it only when they need a new job, and some, like me, do it for the sheer hell of it.

Actually, I'm kidding. Who does this purely for fun? What I really mean to say is - I go for job interviews even when I have absolutely no intention of leaving my current job - sometimes especially when I have no intention of leaving my current job (more on that later). It keeps you in touch with what the industry wants. It keeps your speaking and presentation skills sharp. And selling yourself is probably a skill you want to keep razor sharp.

People will probably give you tips on how to dress, how to write your resume, and all that. Dos, Don'ts, the whole shebang. I'm just going to list a few things I always bear in mind while interviewing.

No consequences.

1. There are no consequences for failure.

Interviewer: There's not a lot of market for your particular skill-set...

Me: That's not what the last five interviewers said. But I'll take your word for it.

Subtext: I see what you're doing, and I'm having none of it. Save the mind games for the noobs.

Some people go to an interview thinking that they absolutely must land this job. Don't. You're just putting unnecessary pressure on yourself, and this could affect performance. The job isn't yours to lose. The job is out there, and it's anyone's to take. You're not auditioning for the fucking Yakuza. If you fail, they're not going to shoot you in the head, burn your house down and massacre your entire family. So - less pressure, more nerve, OK?

There are no consequences for failure. Ergo, there is no way to "fail" your interview. Go with the mentality that the interview is good practice for the next one. The objective, of course, is to be good enough to get a job offer. But if you don't - too bad, move on. Don't beat yourself up over not getting the job offer and get demoralized. Because you didn't lose a damn thing. The job wasn't yours in the first place!

This also means that you should feel free to adopt a take-it-or-leave-it stance. Don't make too many concessions. Be confident. Cocky, even. What are they going to do, fire you? Leave your fear behind and you can do wonders.

Don't surrender your position.

2. Don't surrender the high ground

Interviewer: Why do you want to leave your current job?

Me: I don't want to leave. I love my current job. The benefits are great, my colleagues are wonderful, and sometimes the work is really interesting. I've got no reason to leave, unless I get an offer I can't refuse.

Subtext: I don't need a new job. You need a new hire. Do the math.

The company and you may be in different negotiating positions. You can't control the company's position, but you can certainly control your own.

I mentioned earlier that sometimes I go for interviews even when I'm not looking for a new job. The reason is simple - if the company needs to hire and you need a new job, then on that front at least, you're on even terms. But if the company needs to hire and you don't need a new job, then the company is in the position where it needs to convince you to leave your current job and hop on board. That's no small advantage.

This is in line with the old adage "don't speak ill of your last company". Interviewers can smell blood. Once you tell them why you're unhappy in your current job, the key thing is that you are unhappy and you need to leave. And that's when you've surrendered any negotiating advantage you might have had.

Don't get squeezed.

3. Don't sell yourself short

Interviewer: I can hire an Indian for a third of what you're asking. And he wouldn't be any less skilled or experienced than you. Explain why I should hire you?

Me: Then hire the Indian. It's perfect business sense. I'd do it.

Subtext: If it were that much of a no-brainer to hire the Indian, we wouldn't be having this conversation, would we?

It's probably tempting to exhibit some humility. Don't overdo it. Humility is overrated, and can be used against you. You may think that penning a lower amount, lower than average, in the Expected Salary column, will sweeten the deal.

Wrong, buddy.

There is always some asshole out there who will try to get you to lower your Expected Salary, no matter how low the figure already is. There is always someone who will try to push his luck. Count on it. It's practically part of the interviewer SOP. They probably think that the cheaper you are, the better it makes them look to their superiors. Note to interviewers: It doesn't. It makes the company look cheap, and it makes you look like a stooge.

So ask for exactly what you think you deserve and don't be coy about it. Because modesty gets you nowhere. Don't give an inch. They'll take a yard and then help themselves to the entire battlefield.

You don't want me at this price? That's OK, plenty of others do. That's the frame of mind you should be in.

If you want to haggle,
talk to this guy.

4. Your requested pay is not negotiable.

Interviewer: What's the lowest amount you will accept?

Me: Exactly what it says on my resume. Sorry, I'm a web developer. Haggling is for fishmongers.

Subtext: This shit is beneath me. Move on, please.

OK, I never actually said that during an interview, but I definitely implied the heck out of it.

Some people advocate penning an amount much higher than the salary they would accept. They figure they can then negotiate later, and perhaps even end up with an amount higher than what they would have settled for. In theory, this is correct. In practice, more often than not, interviewers are pretty canny negotiators themselves. That's akin to trying to beat Tiger Woods at golf, blindfolded and armed with a hockey stick.

As a professional, I consider myself above petty haggling, and I make sure my interviewer knows it. Then again, I tend to sell myself as a no-frills, no-nonsense tech geek, so that works in my favor.

WOW!!!

5. If you're impressed, show it

Interviewer: ...and we have a Linux server as well. We're planning to implement virtualization in the near future...

Me: You have both a Linux and Windows server? Virtualization too?! That's awesome! I can totally work with this!

Subtext: That's a great setup here, and if you meet my price, I'll happily stay on.

There's no need to be a hard-ass all the time. Give credit where it's due. You want your interviewer to be impressed with you - and that goes both ways. So if something your interviewer says about the company's accomplishments/job scope/infrastructure presses your WOW button, don't be shy about showing it.

If the interviewer also happens to be someone who is going to work with you or someone whom you are going to report to, he or she will want to be assured that you're not too obnoxious to work with. A display of enthusiasm can only improve your chances.

Conclusion

While all this does not necessarily translate to a 100% success rate, more often than not, it gets me job offers.

But don't take my word for it. Your mileage may vary. You could be in a totally different industry where this doesn't apply. Plus, it takes lots of practice and big brass testicles tons of confidence for this to work.

Note: If you're a fresh grad looking for entry-level work, none of the above applies to you. Get out there and pay your goddamn dues.

Oh, and one last thing...

I know it says five tips. Don't worry, I can count. But this isn't a tip per se. More like a rider on every single tip you've seen here today.

Smile.

Smile as you negotiate. Smile with every zinger you deliver. Smile as they attempt to belittle your possible contribution to the company. Smile as you stick to your guns even as they try to make you budge from your position.

Smile the smile of ultimate confidence, the smile that says you won't be rattled, the smile that says - bring it on, bitch. I've taken worse. The smile that leaves them wondering if they've just been mocked or if you really meant it as a joke.

Consider this the icing on every single slice of cake I've offered you in this post.

Are you impressed yet? Hey, don't be shy. Show it!
T___T