War of the Programming Languages

What's the best language for the web?

Is it Java, the Android OS platform's poster boy?

Is it C#, currently Microsoft's darling?

Is it PHP, Python or Ruby? JavaScript, even?

Your guess is as good as mine. Proponents of any language have, and are still, engaging in vigorous debate (I'm trying to be kind here) as to why their language of choice trumps all other languages. On the web, there are ongoing bitter flame wars between fans of Java and C#. C# vs VB. Python vs PHP. And then there's the whole Object-Oriented Programming vs Functional Programming debate. Open-source vs Proprietory. List goes on forever.

This ought to put to rest the myth that techies are ruled by cold, hard logic. Now, if these were some rabid non-techie fanboys screaming about how superior iOS is to Android, that would be infinitely more forgivable. But these are tech people. Why are techies behaving like children, or worse - laypeople?

Watch any of these debaters. They'll bring out all the flaws of other languages, compare it to the amazing awesomeness of their chosen language, and fanboys of all stripes will have a field day - or a hissy fit. And when that happens, I don't see seasoned professionals. I see a bunch of woefully insecure nerds trying to obtain validation in their choices. Heaping disdain on those who choose to do things differently. Scorn. Hostility, even.

To what end? Does this shit make you guys feel clever, or something? Do techies making choices different from yours, somehow threaten you? Has choice of a programming language or platform suddenly become some kind of religion?

There are no blanket solutions

I've repeated this often, because this bears repeating: There are no blanket solutions. Not in many industries, and certainly not in the web industry. As a developer, the greatest disservice you can do to yourself is to willfully and deliberately close your eyes to the possibilities that other platforms and languages bring to the table, and the power they add to your arsenal. There is no programming or scripting language in the world without flaws. Sure, it's good to know the ins and outs of your tools, especially the environments in which they thrive most. But, using it as a justification to use one language to the exclusion of all else, is an exercise in futility. Especially on the web.

At the end of the day, languages are merely tools. Use the correct tool for the correct occasion. Because, as with the Law of the Instrument, when you only know how to use a hammer, pretty soon everything starts looking like a nail. Don't be that kind of developer.

Everything is a nail.

Everyone has invested time, sweat and tears honing their craft. No one wants to feel like they wasted all that effort on learning to use tools that aren't relevant. But no matter how much we'd love to believe in a tech meritocracy where the most objectively superior platform should be dominant, the fact is that things aren't as cut-and-dry as all that.

Some languages, like JavaScript and PHP, came to prominence back then because there weren't many other options, and they've filled their respective niches so well that uprooting them at this point would be more trouble than they're worth. You can't possibly tell people that your chosen language is absolutely superior and expect them not to snigger. There is no absolutely superior language. No such animal exists. Superiority is completely context-dependant.

Also, bear in mind that at the heart of every programming language, is a philosophy. Certain languages enforce certain practices. Certain languages make it a point not to enforce a damn thing. The kind of person you are determines the kind of languages you gravitate towards. There is nothing wrong with any of that. You like what you like. Your choice is perfectly valid, and let nobody tell you different.

It doesn't matter what you know...

Here's another line I'm fond of repeating: It doesn't matter what you know. What matters is what you can do with what you know. It is not your choice of language which you should be obsessing over.

Take PHP, for example. PHP is the go-to whipping boy of nerds who consider themselves "proper" programmers. PHP to scripting languages, is what Donald Trump is to the Presidency of the United States of America. Want to look enlightened? Want to appear clever? Pick on PHP! It's the perfect target. Point out all its flaws, and bemoan the fact that it's even still in use today. Sure, PHP is a badly designed language. Sure, PHP does object orientation poorly. Sure, PHP is a hodge-podge of features that feel tacked on. And yep, PHP enforces bad programming practices through its laxness.

So what?

You know what uses PHP? Flickr, for one. Yahoo! is another. Wikipedia. Goddamn Facebook!

Yes, I know C#, Java and Python have done pretty well too, but this isn't about what others have done using those tools. It's about what you have done using your chosen tools. Using the language of your choice, what have you created that's even half the significance of Flickr, Yahoo!, Wikipedia and Facebook?

Drawing a blank? You've done nothing to champion your chosen language other than talk about it endlessly on the Internet? Hey, this is just a suggestion, but maybe, just maybe, it would be far more productive to STFU, roll up those sleeves and get cracking!

Time to work.

Bjarne Stroustrup said this in his book The C++ Programming Language, and I think it's particularly apt even today.

"There are only two kinds of languages: the ones people complain about and the ones nobody uses."

Or, how about, say, COBOL? What, you've never heard of it and therefore it must not be important? Junior, COBOL has been around since the 1960s, and at the time of this writing, it's still kicking ass in the banking industry. It does more in a day than you've probably ever done in your hipster kiddy-script writing life, and this is not hyperbole.

All I'm saying is, show some respect. The languages you love to rag on, have earned it.

Enough is enough

Dear developers, you're part of an honored tradition that harkens back to the days of Ada Lovelace and the first algorithm. Passion is fine and all, but this empty one-upmanship is beneath you. Stop arguing. Go forth and create.

guys.chillout();
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