Ruminations of a 40-year old Geek

Lordy, Lordy, look who's forty!

Yep, that one was plagiarized from Silicon Valley Season 4, but it seems particularly apt.

His Teochewness turns 40 today, and would like to expound on a very pertinent topic in the tech industry - aging. Or rather, aging developers. If I told you I didn't feel the effects, that would be a big fat lie. I didn't become an old fart overnight - these effects have been creeping up over the past few years.

Overall Health

For the longest time since 2008, I had not been taking sick leave. I'd been running on a heady mixture of sunlight, cigarettes and Teochew arrogance. That record was broken last year, and this year. That's two times in two years after a period of eight years. The illusion that I'm made of iron is long gone, and I feel just as fragile as every other schmuck on this planet.

My joints are stiff. My teeth feel weak. If I sit too long, my legs fall asleep and my back and neck start to whine. My cholesterol level is ambitiously scaling new heights, and my digestive system just isn't what it used to be. Come to think of it, my appetite isn't what it used to be. Buffets? Forget it, sunshine.

And I'm not even going to go into detail about the severe discomfort that occurs whenever it gets cold.

Yeah bro,
it's like that.

On the bright side, I look pretty good without my clothes on. Pretty good for a 40-year-old, that is. This ain't no Manhunt torso, but damn if it isn't finer than what the average 30-year-old has to offer. Too bad looking good is just about the only thing this aging body does well these days. Seriously, what's the point of having abs if your stomach can't digest the sinfully greasy and spicy stuff without complaining? Or having nicely toned legs if your goddamn knees creak every time you walk too fast?

Oh, you think I might be exaggerating just a wee bit? We'll talk again when you turn 40.

Fatigue

Another thing about getting to this age, is decreasing energy levels. I get tired a lot more easily than I used to, and it shows. And with this development, changes to the lifestyle are in order.

Energy levels: down.

No more late nights out. You want to spent all night drinking beer and reminiscing? Sorry buddy, you're out of luck. Don't call after 10pm, I ain't picking up. Even an wrinkled old bastard like me needs his beauty sleep.

Vastly reduced overtime in the office. I get my shit done, and leave. Around 6pm, my concentration drops off noticeably and it's all I can do to keep my eyes open. That's a stark contrast to five years ago, when I was still pulling twelve-hour workdays and getting in the office on weekends and public holidays. Now if I stay back and keep working past 7pm, the first thing I'm gonna be doing next morning is undoing all the shit code I wrote last evening. That helps no one.

No more outside projects. These used to be ways to supplement my miserable income, but lately I've been declining all offers. While anti-moonlighting clauses are a staple in almost all employment contracts, they're almost impossible to enforce with freelance projects. But freelance projects take - you guessed it - energy. Energy I don't have. The fact that my income is no longer miserable (maybe even excessive now) doesn't hurt.

And especially - no more losing my temper. Sure, I still get annoyed from time to time. But explosive bursts of angst are a thing of the past now. People say this is due to maturity. A sign of me staying above it all.

If only.

No, this is due to a dwindling supply of energy, and when you're dealing with a limited supply of anything, you tend to want to make it count. That means no more unproductive energy-sapping activities like flame wars, Internet arguments or even offline arguments. It's not even like reacting to some idiot on Social Media would make me feel tired - just thinking about reacting to some idiot on Social Media already makes me feel tired. These days, I'm more than likely to simply agree just so the other party can shut up. Hey, so somebody stays ignorant. So be it. Ain't my job to educate the world. Life's short, and for people like me, it just got a whole lot shorter.

Dude, I'm 40 and statistically, I have another 20 years left, 30 if I'm lucky. If you think I'm going to waste any of it on a pissing contest with some pimply teenage wanker on Social Media, think again.

Attitude

There was a time I felt driven to prove my worth as a professional web developer. Those days are over. It's not so much complacency; instead, it's more about acceptance. I accept that I'm not some hotshot that can walk into any tech firm and instantly land a job. In fact, I'm probably not even in the bottom 25 percentile of tech minds on this island. This isn't humility, either. Again, it's acceptance.

I'm also a lot more zen about underachieving these days. Succeed or fail, life goes on. And if you disagree, feel free to shoot yourself in the head next time you fall short. I'll help document your dramatic gesture on YouTube.

You failed? Die, loser.

Try not giving a shit. It's surprisingly empowering. People are vain, hypocritical, and put a ridiculous amount of effort into projecting some kind of image to the world. This 40-year old dev has neither the time nor the inclination. Being insecure makes you open to manipulation. Fuck all of that.

Surprisingly, though, there are some things I've come to care about more, instead of less. Aging could be making me less gung-ho... or I could be mellowing. What a scary thought. At work, I'm seeing thirtysomethings just as aggressive and driven as I was years ago. And unfortunately, just as stupid about it.

Where I once only cared about getting shit done come hell or high water, getting shit done right has come to matter just as much, if not more. "But it works!" is the layperson's excuse. Guess what - I no longer work for laypeople and therefore, no longer have the luxury of that excuse. Any idiot can write working code - now I have to hold myself to higher standards.

Where I once saw office punctuality as a crutch for people who don't have anything meaningful to contribute, I now see it as a mark of reliability - as in, people can generally count on you to be available in the office by 9pm, not a minute later. Being on time now matters more than staying back in the office or working on weekends. Being reliable has become more important than being the superstar workhorse.

Where I once prided myself on the number of different languages and platforms I've done stuff in, I've come to value team skills more. Communication, usage of code repositories, writing clean readable code. I'm no longer that 30 year old cowboy cop developer, but rather, part of a unit. Besides, very few companies need a developer who's coded in ten different languages - but every company likes their devs to be good at communication and teamwork.

In a wrinkled nutshell (God, that sounds gross)

There's so much you lose as you age. Thankfully, hanging out with younger people helps realize how much I've gained, and hanging out with older people have helped me realized how much I've still got going for me. Perspective - it's underrated.

Many senior regards,
T___T