There's no polite way to say this - my employer was a pussyhound.
Some bar patrons I knew (from way back when I used to drink) were prone to bragging about their sexual conquests. Y'know, hookers they managed to obtain free sex from as opposed to paying for it. I know it sounds weird the way I say it, but it seemed to be a thing back then. Thing is, my employer didn't even need to brag about those - he seemed to get them just like that. Maybe it was his boyish charm. The ladies loved him.
He was married, but had side-chicks coming out of his arse. Some of his side-chicks were picked up from nightclubs and bars. He wooed them, screwed them and dumped them with panache. Occasionally, in addition he would roam the back alleys of Geylang and massage parlors for cheap exotic women. His libido probably exceeded my passion for programming.
Convince yourself that you want it
One of his messier affairs was with a woman he picked up at a low-end nightclub. Not only was he getting free sex from her, it had gotten to the point where he was putting her up at an apartment he had rented. She had essentially become his mistress. Shit, at that point she even knew his actual full name. I asked him where he saw this going. Did he foresee a future together? Was he serious about her? Was he willing to get a divorce for her? |
| Convince yourself. |
His response was telling. He admitted that in the cold light of day, there was no way forward. But the only way he had successfully managed to obtain all that free pussy up to now was because the women could feel his sincerity beneath his charm. And they felt that sincerity because he had fooled himself into being sincere. Basically, he wasn't that good an actor. He needed to actually believe, against all logic, that the relationships with them could work.
Don't be afraid of rejection
Contrary to what others thought, my employer didn't have a hundred percent success rate with whatever girl he tried to pick up. He didn't even have an fifty percent success rate. I must have heard him use the same cheesy witticisms to nightclub girls a thousand times. But yes, for roughly every ten he paid to bed, there would be one sucker who fell for his charm, and gave it to him for free. |
| Fishing for women. |
His philosophy? I'm just trying to get laid, he said. Doesn't matter if I have to pay for it. It's just money. If I like her, I put in more effort. I'm not looking for happily-ever-after, just happily-for-one-night. And from there, happily-for-a-few-weeks. If it doesn't work out, move on. All I've wasted is a few hours. I don't fixate on one target, and feel miserable if I fail. It's like fishing - you try it long enough, something's going to bite. Even if nothing bites, enjoy the process. Learn from it.
Don't let them think they're the only one
Unlike most of the other wannabe-Romeos chatting up girls in bars, my employer didn't subscribe to the strategy of "make them feel like the only one". No, he believed that these women knew what they were getting into. They understood that they basically followed the money and that the men who patronized them were womanizing bastards. While he wouldn't insult such a woman's intelligence by telling her she was the only one, he wasn't going to rub it in her face either. |
| Only you... |
The thing is not to let her think she's the only one, he liked to say. That gives her no motivation to try harder. Women are competitive by nature; and when you have to depend on horny men for a living, you're very competitive. No, the thing is to make her think that of all the women you're screwing, she's the most important one right now. She knows there are other women, and she's high on your list of priorities, with potential to go higher. That gives her the incentive to keep it that way.
How I applied these lessons
I've left this guy's firm since. I have leveled up in ways I never suspected possible. And I have attended countless job interviews, even while being happily employed somewhere else. Sometimes it's because I really want that job opportunity. Sometimes it's just for practice.Some of these companies are large tech firms. Some are not so large. Some aren't even tech firms, but have an IT department. Some are located in some remote ass-end of Singapore. But there's one thing that these companies I interviewed for, all have in common. I've tried to convince myself that I actually want to work for them.
Sometimes it doesn't make sense. I live in the West. Why would I want to travel all the way to a firm in the East end, every day? Why would I leave my current company, a big-name operator, for some ikan bilis no-name firm? Why would I give up that generous pay package for something much leaner? And here's the thing - it doesn't have to make sense. My aim is to interview successfully, and get the offer. Whether or not I eventually accept the offer is an entirely different issue. The goals are clear. Interview successfully. Get that job offer.
If I want to interview successfully, interviewers have to be convinced that I genuinely want the job. And since I'm not that good an actor, I have to convince myself that I really fucking want that job. Without that, the interview is a bust from the get-go.
I'll get rejected, of course. I'm not quite that good. But rejection doesn't sting as hard. Firstly, no matter how successfully I convinced myself that I really wanted that job, the effect ends once I leave the interview. Being rejected is actually a relief. And in the event that I really wanted that job, rejection is a chance for me to review what I did wrong and figure out how to be a more attractive option. It's merely part of the process; nothing more. Have I mentioned that before?
 |
| Interviews are a process like any other. |
Lastly, I've also figured out that companies seem to take you more seriously if they know you're reviewing other prospects. Those don't have to be competing job offers - just interviews lined up. The mentality here appears to be that candidates who are currently employed or entertaining other prospects, have options; and therefore are more desirable. Candidates who don't have options can wait like all the other losers. So I have learned not to be shy about telling my interviewers that there are other companies I am speaking to - and believe it or not, it's usually true.
There was a company I interviewed for back in 2013. At first the interview wasn't going spectacularly well, but then I mentioned that I had another interview lined up after this - at a company I hadn't even applied for (it was a head-hunted position). Within a couple hours of leaving the interview, the COO called up to make an offer.
There have been other instances of successful interviews, and in each of them, I didn't exactly make it a point to mention that I was exploring other options. But I certainly wasn't coy about it when posed a question point-blank. This may or may not have anything to do with the interview's success, but I bet it didn't hurt any.
The takeaway
I've had to adjust my approach and mentality towards my career. It's paid off mightily.And all because of some things this Casanova said to me back in 2010. Trust me to use them on tech job interviews rather than women, eh?
Be a lover, not a loser!
T___T
T___T
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