Enough of trying to be enough!

Language can be contradictory. I had the occasion to encounter one such contradiction when an ex-classmate tried to sell me insurance. He said "No matter how much insurance you buy, it's never enough." He probably meant it sincerely, but it struck me as a profoundly ineffective sales pitch - if it'll never be enough, that makes me less eager to buy insurance, not more. After all, if I'll never achieve a goal, why put pressure on myself to achieve it?

Enough, already.

That brings me to a point that several life coaches I've heard on YouTube and the Clubhouse app, like to say - "you are enough". Which, ironically, while meaning the complete opposite of "you'll never be enough", achieves the same result. If you are enough, why do more?

Being enough

Back in the day, I never told myself I was enough. That would have been a big fat lie. I knew I wasn't enough. I constantly strived to learn more, hone my craft, do better, as a web developer. But at the same time, with the way tech was advancing, it was clear as day that I would never be enough. Therein lies the contradiction; why then, did I keep going?

Late into the night.

Another friend asked, "to what end?" Why did I keep signing up for Specialist Diplomas, or spend countless nights on code? My friend felt that I needed to have an end goal in mind. In effect, he was asking, "when will it be enough?"

The answer was "never". It will never be enough, because I will never be enough. And if I'm being honest, it's part of the fun.

Because being enough wasn't a goal I was trying to achieve by working on my skills. I wasn't putting up with an unpleasant task (like buying insurance, and I apologize in advance to the psychos who actually enjoy buying insurance) to reach a destination. I genuinely enjoyed working on my skills. Not having an end in sight did not bother me. In fact, since there was no end in sight, I could just enjoy the journey instead of fussing about the destination.... because there was no destination.

Basically, I was saying to that bright-eyed bushy-tailed kid in the mirror, "you are not enough, and you don't need to be."

Career skills

To illustrate, I have never learned Kubernetes even though doing so would make me an undeniably more complete developer. Kubernetes sounds oppressively boring. It sounds like the kind of thing people pick up out of professional obligation (and yes, I apologize in advance to the psychos who actually enjoy dealing with Kubernetes). The tech field is wide and varied enough that I could easily find something way more fun to get good at.

For example, I'm sure my employer would rather I get cybersecurity certification rather than a front-end one... but it's my time I'm using, my money I'm spending, my sweat that gets expended, thus ultimately this is about my happiness, not his. In fact, I would unsympathetically say that if any employer wants a developer with a cybersecurity cert, they should hire a developer with a cybersecurity cert. Instead of hiring a developer with a whole host of certs other than a cybersecurity one, and then gambling that this dev feels an inclination to get a cybersecurity cert. I understand cost savings, but it seems like a stupid hiring practice.

Transform, dammit!

It's like purchasing a Freightliner truck and then pitching a hissy fit because it doesn't transform into Optimus Prime, or even make an effort to.

Few employers will ever think you bring enough value for what you're paid, or admit that out loud even if they do. But that's for another time, another day.

Conclusion

I'm not saying this from a position of privilege. I don't earn six figures a year unless you count CPF (who does, really?), I earn enough to get by. Though I will concede that a guy whose main love is slinging code in the wee hours of the morning needs far less than someone who's consistently hitting the nightspots. No judgement there; you contribute more to Singapore's economy than I do, thank you for your service.

This isn't career advice. You don't always have to love your job. It's not humanly possible to always love your job. But I do love what I do, and it helps when my job, my colleagues, my employers, or some unholy combination of all of them at the same time, annoy me. It certainly makes the task of striving to be better, a lot less onerous than it could otherwise be.

Enough said,
T___T