Romance and the Web Developer (Part 1/2)

People often say working is like dating. Your career is like a relationship that needs to be cultivated, nurtured and maintained. They're not all wrong, but after a bit of rumination, I've stumbled upon more pieces of the puzzle. There are both similarities and differences. If you treat your career like your relationship, it might take off gloriously, or you might crash and burn.

Why this topic?

See, recently I met this woman through one of these newfangled mobile dating apps. We met a couple of times, hung out, and talked. Her company was all right, though I had no intention of taking it further. Somewhere along the way, she revealed that she was seeing someone, who was a married man. She wasn't altogether happy with the arrangement, and dropped heavy hints that she would be open to another guy rescuing her from this situation.

That's when I pulled the hand-brake.

Fine, I may not be much. Average looks, average figure, very average paycheck. But I have enough self-respect not to allow myself to be part of this distasteful monkey business. Even if I were interested in her (and no, I wasn't), I would still not have engaged in the whole knight-in-shining-armor-rescuing-the-simpering-damsel charade.

However, it occurred to me that if this was paralleled in a professional environment, I would have absolutely no problem with it. I would even encourage someone not to quit his job before looking for a new one. Is this hypocrisy? Double standards? Not at all. That's because working and dating, while eerily similar in places, are inherently different.

And that's where I got to pondering this topic - how is web development and dating the same, and how are they different? Let's begin with the similarities.

All shapes and sizes

Not all are equal

Not all jobs are made equal (even in the same industry), and neither are women. They're all unique in their own ways.

One of my previous jobs dealt with the business end of development, whereas the one before that dealt exclusively with the technical portion. I adapted, but it was a struggle. Instead of spending my days in a cramped room churning out code, my hair and stubble all over the place and wearing clothes that had seen better days; I now had to get a decent haircut and shave, put on a shirt and tie and nice shoes, spray on the cologne and gargle that mouthwash, and generally make myself pretty. It required some adjustment. Mere technical proficiency just didn't cut it anymore.

As for the women? Some wanted romance. Some wanted the devil-may-care dude with the shit-eating grin. Some wanted respectability and financial stability. One even felt that financial stability wasn't quite enough, and wanted someone ambitious enough to start his own business. Some just wanted a good time in the sack. And some, regrettably, didn't even know what they wanted.

Different jobs demand different things from you, and so do women. It's a good thing - it stretches your repertoire. You have to tailor your approach, and take nothing for granted.

Some lines can't be crossed.

Certain things go without saying

That said, some things should be assumed. Ever have your boss tell you "you're too experienced to make a mistake like this" or a woman say "I can't believe you've learned nothing from dating that many girls."? I have. And it's especially galling because they're right.

You don't go AWOL from work. You don't work for the competition, or steal your boss's clients. If you're given enough time to do a job, you don't write sloppy code just to meet the deadline.

When you're dating... be nice to her friends. And when she asks you if her ass looks fat in that dress, the correct answer is not "yes". ("Yes, and boy does it turn me on" might be acceptable, but try that at your own risk.)

With each job or woman that you pursue, over time, there are certain rules of thumb (a.k.a universal rules) you may have developed. The above are just a few examples.

"Me" time

Time off

People need some time off from their jobs once in a while. It's only healthy. I hate the term "work-life-balance" - it's so overused and trite - so I'll just call it "letting the brain cells regenerate". Spend too much time on a piece of code and you end up getting tunnel vision. Taking a break, even if it's only in the form of eight hours' rest, is good for your job, and good for you.

Likewise, relationships need that. Couples need time apart. Either to hang out with other people, or just some good old-fashioned "alone time". Know when to give the intense lovin', and when to give people their goddamn space. Taking a break, even in the form of a day or two, is good for her, and good for you.

See the pattern here?

It helps to step back and breathe. And when you return to either your job or your date, you see things with a renewed clarity.

Put your back
into it, buster.

You get what you put in

Oh, scrub your filthy mind.

Sure, the world's an unfair and unpredictable place. Some people graduate and have their careers mapped out for them from the get-go. Some people are genetically blessed and have interested romantic parties throwing themselves at them every damn day. But privilege aside, nothing good comes easy. Whether it's a career or a date, you need to put your back into it.

Ever tried to write a web application? A fair amount of work goes into it - planning, coding, testing. You need it to look good. You need it to work. You need it to be secure. The list goes on. Now imagine having to put in that much work throughout your entire career - and more. And that's not including client relations and office politics.

Dating needs work, too. It ain't all sunshine and roses, and if you still believe that love will strike at first sight and you'll naturally end up meeting some woman at the altar some time later; dude, why are you up so late? Don't you, like, have school tomorrow?

Next

We examine the differences. This should be interesting.