What I Learned From Playing FIFA 09

Roughly a decade ago, I was a cheap bastard - oh, who am I kidding, I'm a cheap bastard now - and this included spending on little frivolities such as entertainment. My cousin had this thing about gadgets. She would buy the newest spanking models and get tired of them after a year.

And guess who would buy them? Yep, her cheap-ass cousin. Me.

That was when I got hold of her second-hand PSP, and within it was loaded the newest (at the time) football manager game - FIFA 09. And even though the chrome has buffered off under the onslaught of my grubby little hands and the battery is all but useless, ten years later, I'm still playing it. That's not even mentioning that many of the players within that game have now retired in real life. From my club Liverpool FC alone, Steven Gerrard, Jamie Carragher and, more recently, Fernando Torres and Peter Crouch, just to name a few...

Damn, I'm cheap.

And throughout the years of playing this game, having to manage small teams to the big time by buying and selling players, negotiating their salaries and promoting them, I discovered quite a few things about myself as a Manager. And this gave me insight as to how Management thinks. No, seriously. While the complexities of a crummy little game like FIFA 09 pale in comparison to the real-world complexities of an actual business, there were sufficient parallels.

I do what I can get away with

As a person, I like the idea of fairness. As a Manager, all that gets thrown out the window whenever I'm negotiating a player's wages. Daniel Agger, for example, contributed 6 goals and 12 assists as a center-back over the course of the season while Emiliano Insúa, a substitute left-back, had 1 goals and 3 assists and on top of that, earned 3 yellow cards and 1 red card. I want both to remain in my squad. Agger will be happy with 8,000 pounds a week while Insua wants at least 10,000. Do I rate Agger higher than Insúa and think Agger should earn more? Sure. Is there objective proof that Agger contributes more? The stats don't lie. But did I do what I felt was fair? Nope.

I found myself paying them both as little as possible, to keep them happy, and paying Insúa more than Agger even though I felt Agger deserved more than Insúa. Why? Because I was a Manager and I needed to think of my club's bottom line. Who gives a shit what's fair? FIFA 09's bank balance sure doesn't.

Agger and Insúa.

Bosses are in the business of making money. They're not in the business of being fair to their software developers. Even if Dev A gets more done than Dev B and has been there longer, the fact is that the boss will pay both Dev A and Dev B as little as he can get away with, even if it means paying Dev B more simply because Dev B's salary expectations are higher. There's only so much money to go around.

This happens all the time. Does the term "the squeaky wheel gets the grease" mean anything to you?

There are other things in play

Some players in the game just respond better to my commands or fit better in the tactics I've chosen... and the stats back this up. Since I'm more of a play-through-the-middle guy, Xabi Alonso is way more useful to me than a wing specialist like Cristiano Ronaldo. In my team, Alonso gets more Assists and Goals than Ronaldo, even after playing less games. He just fits in that well.

Alonso and Ronaldo.

But here's the thing - it's not just about Goals, Assists and Clean Sheets.

Christiano Ronaldo's player stats are way higher. His Player Rating is a cool 94 while Alonso is an 83. And since other midfielders are generally more favorably disposed towards teams with highly rated midfielders (like attracts like!), I have a really good reason to keep Ronaldo on.

As a Football Manager in FIFA 09, I don't have to like it. But I do have to bow to reality. The reality of the game, that is.

Similarly, don't ever make the mistake of thinking that raw technical ability or even how much value you bring to the team is all that's needed in a software developer. There are factors way beyond your comprehension. Politics. Market forces. Corporate strategy. For example, a local could be preferred simply because of headcount requirements, and not because he's more useful. A female developer could get the nod over a male, simply because of Affirmative Action.

Your Manager may think that this is bullshit... but often, it's not entirely his call.

Sometimes, criteria are completely arbitrary

Since I'm managing an English team, I try to make the bulk of my squad English. Or at least have British-sounding names. Sometimes when buying players, even though, for example, Craig Bellamy is objectively less value for money than, say, Zlatan Ibrahimović, I'm going to end up buying Bellamy anyway. Because, English.

Or I might feel the need to add a black guy or an Asian in the mix to add a little diversity to the squad. So I might end up buying Daniel Sturridge over Wayne Rooney, which is certifiably insane (to be fair, this is entirely debatable today, but remember it's FIFA 09 we're speaking of here...).

Sturridge and Rooney.

And simply because I'm managing an English team, I'd want my team captain to be English. So I might choose Andy Carroll as opposed to just about anyone who's a foreigner or whose names even sound foreign (think Iker Casillas or Javier Mascherano) even though the foreigners contribute more to the squad!

No, there's no in-game penalty for promoting or buying non-English players. It's just all in my head.

You really don't have to look far for the real-life parallel. The workplace is chock-full of horror stories of foreign HR who hire their own nationalities over locals, or Management who promote their "own kind" over more deserving folk. You know what, get over it. Life doesn't have to be fair... and sometimes it doesn't even have to make sense. It really depends on which nutbag is in charge.

Finally...

This is a really simplistic analysis, but it did serve to make me more understanding towards Management when they do things that seem incredibly stupid to me. Play more FIFA - you may discover a similar sympathy for your bosses just by being one!

Don't drop the ball!
T___T