How I Became a Married Software Developer (Part 1/3)

His Teochewness is a married man as of 2018.

By now, most of my friends (and readers of this blog) would have received the news, though if it comes as a surprise to those reading this, it's probably because I didn't update my marital status on Facebook or post pictures on Instagram the moment it happened. I mean, what's the point? So I can let the world know that somebody wants me? Lame.

Reactions were fun to watch, though. My colleagues were left scratching their heads at my business-as-usual attitude towards it (please, people get married in Singapore every damn day) and any friends I told the news to, had to pick their jaws off the floor.

Me: Oh, by the way, I'm married.
Them: Yeah yeah we know, you're married to your job.
Me: Uh, no... I'm married to a woman. (cue dumbstruck looks)

Part of their surprise was due to the fact that I've always been a natural-born bachelor. I don't actively shun female company or seek it, nor am I the type to get lonely. Much of my free time is spent cooped up in my apartment writing code and generally doing very boring (not to me, though!) geeky stuff. They didn't even know I was dating anyone... again, because I just don't advertise this shit on Social Media. Whatever for, right?

So anyway, my fourth wedding anniversary is coming up and I thought, what the hell, I should write this down for posterity. Because the long arduous road to marriage was quite intimately tied to the winding rocky road of my tech career.

Before I begin, I should warn you that this is not some grand love story (though probably still a better love story than Twilight) and you may be bored shitless.

How it began

Back in the year 2015, I had just been laid off and I was spending my days in the neighborhood coffee shop, reading emails and scrolling through LinkedIn ads. The crowd was mostly familiar friendly faces - retired old geezers, grandmothers, working men and women, and the like. One of them was this girl from mainland China who worked around the area and had lunch at this coffee shop daily. Occasionally, she'd join the table I was at, and we'd talk until she had to get back to work. She was pleasant enough, but not really on my radar at the time.

Coffee and job search.

Soon, I got a job at a startup and stopped spending my days at the coffee shop. I would still see her around on weekends.

Life at the startup kept me busy until the startup tanked in 2016 and I found myself out of a job and spending my days at the coffee shop once again. Yep, twice in the space of a year. Life sure wasn't looking good for me, eh?

The First Date

The woman and I started talking again, and this time, she was complaining about having nothing to do because the shop she was working in was closed during Chinese New Year, and getting a plane ticket to fly home for the holiday was just too much hassle. I waggled my eyebrows, put on my sleaziest expression and suggested that maybe the two of us could go somewhere romantic.

Please note that at that time, I was joking. I was freshly out of a job for the second time within twelve months, and chasing skirts was absolutely the last thing on my mind. I was fully prepared for her to laugh it off. So imagine my befuddlement when she said "OK" without missing a beat and asked me where I was going to take her. Now I was in a spot. If I'd confessed I was only fucking around, that would have been embarrassing for both of us.

So we made a date for East Coast Park. On the day itself, she had gone to visit her cousin and I was supposed to pick her up and take her there. The sky was overcast, and it had drizzled in the morning.

Beach stroll.

We got to East Coast Park, took a nice long stroll along the windy beach hand-in-hand like some sweet young couple, had a late supper of handmade noodles, after which I sent her home.

And that was it. A perfectly run-of-the-mill first date.

Afterwards

As the days after that date went by, we started hanging out. I was still jobless, but we took nice midnight strolls around the gardens peppering the neighborhood. We might even have snogged a couple times. She kept me going through this phase, and eventually, I landed a job, where I was paid more money than I'd ever been. And once I got busy with work, our midnight strolls decreased in frequency.

Months after starting that job, I began my course in ACTA, and soon had even less time. I don't remember if I ever mentioned this, but I've dated several women before; and each time I was a crappy boyfriend, obsessed with my work, obsessed with learning more. It looked like old habits were resurfacing, but unlike the others, she actually seemed to like it.

And then she left Singapore. Her employer had forgotten to pay the levy for her employment permit, and promptly, it was cancelled. She had to return to China within a month. After she left, I got on with the task of earning my ACTA while holding down my job. We kept in touch regularly via WeChat, and I realized, to my chagrin, God damn it, that I kind of missed her. I missed the roundness of her face, the smallness of her hands, the way she'd spit the bones of her food out on the table, or pick her teeth with her fingers in front of me.

I know, I know, it's objectively gross. Don't judge me.

Use a toothpick, woman.

When she returned, a couple months later, it was by securing another job a lot further away from my place. This meant that we didn't see each other as often as we used to, though we still hung out on weekends.

Though at this point, I'm not sure why she still bothered. She had often pondered getting married here in Singapore because it would make working here a lot less troublesome, while I was quite adamant that I'd remain a bachelor till the end of my days. Up to this point, I hadn't even thought of her as my girlfriend, though in hindsight, for all intents and purposes, she was pretty much that.

Next

How we ended up getting married.