How I Became a Married Software Developer (Part 3/3)

When most people think of marriage, they think of sunset strolls along the beach, declarations of everlasting devotion, lots of passionate sex and a whole lot of crap they probably derived from reading too many shitty romance novels. Children, you are going to be so disappointed when you finally grow up. Let His Teochewness educate you - marriage is about sharing.

For the first time in five years, I had to share wardrobe space, the bed, and the bathroom. I had to get used to stocking every bathroom product known to man. I had to get used to having her facial masks taking up space in my refrigerator (or rather, our refrigerator). It was a lot of logistics. I had to write my CPF allocation and my Will - things I didn't have to think about when I was a bachelor.

Yep, now I have to
deal with this shit.

The Missus took over the apartment as soon as she got the keys. In between criticizing the standard of my housekeeping (and I took great offence to that, by the way), rearranging the furniture and throwing out a full three-quarters of my wardrobe, she also found time to impose some house rules. From now on, no more vagabond, I-don't-give-a-shit look. Even if I left the house for five minutes, I was expected to comb my hair. In fact, I was supposed to bring a comb everywhere with me. She got me new clothes - proper pants (with no holes in them), form-fitting t-shirts because she liked my figure, jackets. I'd become her personal Ken doll.

With her, making oneself presentable was about respecting the people around. I personally saw no such need... but I was married now and it wasn't about me anymore. Incidentally, the approval from my mother and sister was palpable.

Other benefits

Other than the fact that she's totally co-opted laundry duties and I no longer need to concern myself over them? Well, let's see...

You know the situations where you keep having to find a nice way to say "no"? Turns out, "I need to discuss this with my wife." is one heck of a great line.

"Hey, can we crash at your place this weekend?" "I need to discuss this with my wife."

"Dude, can you lend me some money?" "I need to discuss this with my wife."

"Have you considered taking up yet another life insurance policy?" "I need to discuss this with my wife."

Ask her.

Absolutely brilliant. For all of you reading this, know that I am going to abuse this line to death, just because I can. And if you're a little slow on the uptake and somehow haven't cottoned on yet, it means no.

Also, having that wedding ring on my finger lends me that air of respectability. Employers and colleagues (and prospective employers) are going to suddenly take me more seriously because that wedding ring means I'm a responsible adult, never mind the fact that I've been doing this job, married or otherwise, professionally for the past decade. It is what it is; people are going to be stupid about things like this, and I may as well take advantage of it.

Why?

Why indeed? Why give up all the freedoms I enjoy in my bachelorhood?

For those who are going to act all self-satisfied and say condescending shit like "it was time you grew up" and "every man needs a woman", you couldn't be more wrong. I'm still of the opinion that getting married just to adhere to some retarded backward KPI that people need to be married by a certain age, is an absolutely stupid reason to get married, and if that really was the only reason you got married... well, damn, dude.

No, I didn't suddenly lose half my brain cells and marry this woman just for the sake of being married. I got married because I wanted to marry this woman.

I choose this woman.

Gorgeous women are a dime a dozen. But I could live two lifetimes and still not encounter someone who could stick with me two entire years while I tried to get my shit together and stop being broke. I'm not going to be so crass as to call it "true love", but what I had was definitely something very few men could claim to have.

Case closed, and go fuck yourselves.

...for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health...

It's only my fourth year of marriage, and I'm learning as I go along. It could all still go south from here. It's certainly not been all sunshine and roses. I'm not just a web developer now; she turned me into a husband. It's a new role like any other. Seven years ago, I may not have planned for this, but so help me God, I am going to make an honest effort to earn it.

I do,
T___T