How I Became a Married Software Developer (Part 2/3)

Halfway through my contract with the agency, I started toying with the idea of - dare I say it? - making it official. Marrying her. Putting a damn ring on it.

It had been out of the question when I was jobless, but at this point I was earning more money than I knew what to do with. Shit, I could probably feed her if she chose to quit her job and become a housewife. And, strangely, I had this disconcerting urge to take care of that woman... something I never felt with any of my ex-girlfriends. Which probably illustrates just how crappy a boyfriend I was in my youth.

Also, one day she took a day off and asked me to take her somewhere nice... because it was her birthday. And over a dinner of crabs and oysters, I realized with a start that she had just turned thirty-six. And it was then I thought to myself; time to shit or get off the pot. She wasn't getting any younger.

How I proposed

So I thought about it quietly, and stewed over it some more for a month. Examined my options. Even drafted a nice speech that could be used as a proposal - points that made sense to me (and would make sense to her, I hoped) and sounded persuasive.

Unfortunately, I never got to use it.

Oh, shit.

Like many women, she had this knack of asking really awkward questions. And one such question came when she asked, do you love me or do you just like me?

Ouch.

There was no way a question like that could be safely navigated. Reply to the former, and it would sound cheesy and insincere. Reply to the latter, and it would raise the inevitable question of why we were even together in the first place.

So like the genius I am, I got defensive and babbled. There's no way I'm saying I love you. Words are cheap, and it wouldn't mean anything. But here, you can have my last name.

Her reaction surprised me. From aggressive, she turned uncharacteristically shy, nudged my shoulder with her head and purred something demure.

And seconds later, the enormity of what I'd just done, hit me with the force of a fucking almighty thunderbolt.

The plan

Well, too late now. The words were out and there was no taking them back, not that I was considering it. The only thing left was to plan how it was going to go down. You see, the thing about me is that I'm slow to action... but once I commit to a course, I am unshakeable.

The first course of action was to plan the date. This one was a delicate matter. A month after we got married, she would be eligible to apply for a Long-term Social Visit Pass (LSVP) which would allow her to stay in Singapore. However, the authorities would examine both her and my financial situation. The thing was that my salary was more than adequate - but I was on an employment contract which would expire in July. And if I had not secured employment by then, my income would be declared zero, which would then equal our chances of obtaining that LSVP. If we took processing time for that application into account, we would need to get married more than a month before my contract was up.

Thus, the Registry of Marriages appointment was set on the 28th of May - coincidentally one day after my final exam for ACTA! Way to pile on the pressure, eh?

No pressure, bro.

The second was informing my family. This was a delicate situation. My parents are suspicious of the mainland Chinese, disapproving of divorcees (being Catholic and all), are uncomfortable with marriages involving women who have children from previous marriages and not exactly forthcoming with non-Catholics. My bride-to-be checked all the boxes. And, being Asian parents, they think they can make better decisions than their kids and aren't shy about saying so. There was no way I was getting a vote of confidence.

So I didn't put it to the vote.

This wasn't a democracy. This was my marriage, a decision that would affect my life long after they were gone. I merely booked a table in the restaurant for after the Solemnization and invited them to attend. My parents insisted on a meeting with the bride beforehand, which I felt was reasonable. They didn't love her when they met her, but as far as I was concerned, I had fulfilled my obligations.

The third was securing a new job in the event that the LSVP process took longer than expected and they wanted to check how much I was making or if I was even employed. For that, I went on one of my annual interviewing sprees. It never came to that. The company not only renewed my contract, but also raised my pay by another ten percent. The LSVP part was good to go.

How it proceeded

First was the Registry of Marriages. We got through it fairly smoothly, though the occasion was somewhat marred by the fact that Liverpool had lost 3-1 to Real Madrid in the UEFA Champions League Final that morning, and I was still sore about it. In fact, I was probably the most despondent bridegroom in the building.

I do.

Three days later, we solemnized our marriage at the common corridor of my apartment, with my ex-boss and a couple of my NS buddies as witnesses. There was no grand reception, no hired photographer, no fancy shit - just mobile phones snapping pictures and bottles of peppermint ice tea. After which, the witnesses were invited to dinner with my family at the restaurant I had made the booking at.

It was the bride's idea. She wanted things kept simple, and frankly, thinking of having to go through tuxedo fittings, guest lists and restaurant banquet arrangements made me feel tired right away. The soon-to-be wife wanted things cheap and fuss-free, and if I'm going to be brutally honest, that suited me to a tee.

Next

How being married has felt like the past few years.